Crossroad

I finally met up with Mr. J, the friend I hadn't seen in quite a while. It was good to see his plump but jolly self, again. He seemed glad to see me, too, despite making him wait for about two hours.

My friendship with Mr. J dates back to when I was still in college. I met him in my practicum, where I also met my first jerk of a boyfriend. He was very much opposed to that boyfriend for reasons which later proved correct. Because of that, I value his judgment, to this day. He is among the very few male friends I still run to, as a last resort for crisis management on men.

True enough, as he dissected Mr. Frog, he came up with some very interesting, not-seen-before ideas that my other friends have yet to see:

1.) Generally, Mr. J said men will not give flowers to a woman, unless they're interested. Though Mr. Frog did not make any formal declaration about courting me, it was his way of staking his claim on me.

2.) The same general principle applies to the other gifts Mr. Frog has given me. Mr. J, himself, acknowledged he never gave me any gift in the five years that we were best friends--not even during special occasions.

3.) Unusual shyness calls for unusual responses. Although I thought I was responding to Mr. Frog's advances, a lot of my responses proved weak in getting across my own interest in him. For instance, responding to his text messages could be interpreted as mere politeness on my part.

4.) This is where it hurts. (*Drumroll, please...*) I can come across as nonchalant and frigid. I'm glad he pointed this out to me. I realize there is a grain of truth to this. To someone as shy as Mr. Frog, this can really be defeating.

5.) He does not believe that Mr. Frog is gay. (Thank God!) He is merely extra careful about not being tactile to me, for fear of coming across as "fresh." Mr. J said what if I initiate?

6.) Men, in general, will not have a sudden change of heart unless a third party is involved or a sudden doubt seizes them about getting into a serious relationship.

7.) By telling Mr. Frog about the other interested guy, I, unwittingly, posed a challenge to him. This pressured him; and men dislike pressure.

8.) Both of us may be holding back.

9.) Will I stay or will I walk away from him, now? Mr. J said for all the bad things I am seeing now in Mr. Frog, those things can change, once he learns to become really comfortable with me.

10.) Knowing the good and the bad things I now know about him, will I still stick my neck out a bit farther for him? Will I give it one last shot?

I will. I did. Before I wrote this I texted him to say "hi." As of this posting, he has not replied. If he never does, I got the answer I've been waiting for. Only then can I let go.