Standing Up, Again... Almost

"Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)


I woke up this morning crying to a kind of pain I haven't felt in years. It's the kind that makes me coil into a ball in bed, not wanting to get up or do anything but just lie there.

While lying there, tears flowing sideways onto my pillow, all I could think of was "Help me, Lord! Help me... Help me," which has become my pathetic mantra these past two weeks.

It had taken a tremendous amount of effort for me to finally get up and go to work. Somehow, I managed. God must've heard and started to help me.

Later, as I was walking down the street, a feeling of unexplained joy surged into my heart. I don't know why, but in that instant, I knew the sun will shine again in my life probably sooner than I'm expecting.

I think the first peek of sunshine came when I realized, with Ligaya's encouragement and help, that someone out there (a guy I may not have met yet) may be praying for me. A guy who would treat me much much better and who will know how to take care of me--two traits seriously lacking in Mr. Frog, as I now see it.

This guy, she said, will not only be my teacher, but will also be a Friend and a spiritual leader--two more traits lacking in Mr. Frog.

She argued that if Mr. Frog was truly a friend, he will not walk away just like that. But he did, and a big part of my pain is not knowing if he'll ever come back. Even as a friend.

I have willed myself to stop thinking why. I know and acknowledge some stupid things I did that could have helped sabotage our "relationship." But God knows I did these things, yes, for love, cheesy as it may sound. Not to mention that Mr. Frog also plays a part.

Mr. Frog, if you knew I love you, would you have treated me more kindly? Would you see the light and help you understand some of the things I said and did? They were all for you, you know, because I love you.

If God wills it, I hope to see you, again, sometime in my future. Not now, when I'm nearing ready to stand up, again, with a new heart, under a new sun.