Good Mourning

Weekend in Pampanga did my soul a lot of good. Aside from the mental rest it provided, which normally evades me in Manila, it was rare to wake up to a Beautiful Sunday morning and be greeted by the soothing view of grass and trees. If all my subsequent Sunday mornings can be like this, who cares about dating on Sunday afternoons! :oD

Too bad, though, that it was only an overnight stay. Would've loved an extra time there and if only to accomplish my mission of leaving my gloomies behind, which I did not; and it was right.

Ironically, it was Mr. Frog who taught me that people need time to feel and to process their hurts. So I allowed myself to remain sad in Pampanga.

It was my time to mourn.

Leaving Mr. Frog Behind

Let's talk jologs. Remember Keno the singer na ka-trio dati nina Randy Santiago and Gino Padilla, before he totally faded out of the limelight?

Keno was payat but cute and was my crush before Randy (Santiago) stole my heart, eventually.

While in Clark Field, Pampanga over the weekend, I happen to have remembered Keno's only hit song "Leaving Yesterday Behind," most likely because it aptly describes the most significant challenge I face, today. That is, "to forget" Mr. Frog. Obvious ba!

But more than its sentimality, I appreciate the song more for its reflection of hope in moving on and in striving to move on. I have a feeling... malapit ko na din 'to marating. :o)

Mr. Frog, this song's for you...

=================

Leaving Yesterday Behind
Sung by: Keno

Since you left me, I never really tried
To put my life back where it should belong
And I've always let the past come back
I'm realizing that it could be wrong

But now I fin'lly knew
I had to let it go
To make way for a brighter tomorrow

So now I'm leaving yesterday behind
And fin'lly I've made up my mind
To let the mem'ries stay away
And think about today
I'm leaving yesterday behind
'Cause now I'll try to live my life once more
The way I did before

Since I know that I never will forget
The memories that made my yesterday
I will try not to let it interfere
The choices I will make along the way

'Cause I'm not livin' in a world of fantasy
I'm here now in the world of reality

So now I'm leaving yesterday behind
And fin'lly I've made up my mind
To let the mem'ries stay away
And think about today
I'm leaving yesterday behind
'Cause now I'll try to live my life once more
The way I did before

I'm leaving yesterday behind
And fin'lly I've made up my mind
To let the mem'ries stay away
And think about today
I'm leavin' yesterday behind
'Cause now I'll try to live my life once more
Just the way I did before.

Cosmic Laughs

God Himself must be getting tired of my gloomies -- so tired He sent some really big laughs my way in the form of online advertisement clips that an officemate introduced me to.

The ads were so funny I was in stitches in no time while tears of hilarity flowed sideways down my cheeks and sounds of HA HA HAs unabashedly filled the silence of the big, empty room.

Wow...

Wow. :o)

Who would've thought I'd laugh this way, again? That, in itself, is a huge, huge blessing; and I thank the Lord for it.

Tomorrow I shall pack my gloomies like author Barbara Johnson did, and unpack them in Clark Field, Pampanga where I will bury and leave them, for good.

For pasalubong, I shall bring home my refreshed soul, wounded but wiser, alive and ready to embrace again all that life has to offer.

The Promise

"The righteous face many troubles, but the Lord rescues them from each and every one." (Psalms 34:19)

Just when I was starting to get my groove back two weeks ago down it went crashing, again, last Sunday until today, much like Eddie Gil's political ambition. Or is it inhibition? (He he). Er... ehem.

Nothing funny 'bout my crash and burn experience, though. I am seriously sad, like never before in this first full month of not having seen Mr. Frog. I guess I'm sad, because the longer I don't see him, the more real having probably lost him is becoming. It doesn't help that the remaining hope I'm hanging on to is no thicker than a hairline. All the more, it doesn't help that I'm greatly missing him.

While it may be true that his SMS two Wednesdays ago meant to convey his intention of staying, I've decided to refuse believing in it and focus, instead, on releasing myself from my romantic ambition or inhibition. Wow. Guess who I've something in common with. Ha ha. (Joke lang po, Tito Eddie. Inaaliw ko lang ang planeta ko)!

I've repeatedly asked the Lord to help me let go of my feelings for Mr. Frog, if Mr. Frog is not in His plan for my life, anyway, as far as a serious, committed, romantic relationship is concerned.

The Lord did not promise He'll take away my love for him. But He did promise that He'll rescue me. Whether that means taking the feelings away or something else, I don't know. I hope to know when I hie off to Clark Field, Pampanga this Saturday and, hopefully, be one "baggage" lighter by the time I leave for home.

Inner Circle

My inner right eye grew a reddish bump, and I've reason to suspect that it's kuliti. Eeeek!!

I mind that it hurts a bit when I touch it, but I mind much more the social stigma attached to it. People say whoever has kuliti had it as a result of some voyeur activity described as "peeping."

I've NEVER, in my entire life, ever had kuliti. And lalong hindi ako nanilip 'no! Eek talaga!!!

What will my officemates say tomorrow, if this condition gets any worse? My boss pa naman of all people, having been a journalist at one point in his life, is so tsismoso. What's worse is that he's been made aware about my (now inactive) date life. He will surely tease me no end if he notices anything funny about my eye.

Eeeek!!!

What will I do! How do I make this vanish overnight?

My friend at the office suggested that I prick it.

N-O W-A-Y.

I'd rather bear an aesthetic abnormality for a few days, than become blind for the rest of my life, 'no.

*Groan* Why me, why me...

Behaved naman ako eh. *SOB* Promise!

Mommy? Help!!

Bumpy Roll

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Finally. I'm on a roll. The annual report has taken shape and writing it will be over, soon. Hallelujah!

Never thought I'd see the day when I could make it fly, at last. But I did; and it did. Whopee!! Can I do the Dance of Joy, now?

Haay... I wish other matters in my life will follow suit. I want to be happy, again! Not romantic happy, but just happy about life, in general. I used to be that way. Until Cupid struck me. Stupid Cupid.

Ironic. Reminds me of a title I came upon at PowerBooks: "If We're So In Love, Why Aren't We Happy?" Why nga ba?

Oh, man. Not again. One sad spell coming up. Bye muna!

Drops of Bliss

Listening to my new national anthem: Phil Collin's "You'll Be in My Heart" mp3 version. Borrowed online, not ripped, meaning I can't play the song if I'm not online. Does that still qualify me as a cyber thief? Maybe half-a-thief. Maybe. Whatever.

For now, I'm simply reacquainting myself with my re-newed civil and social status: single, loveless, heartbroken AND boy-friend-less. Ah... What bliss.

...To bask in the Sunday afternoon sun. Alone.

...To enter the near-freezing confines of the Robinson's Galleria Movie Theater. Alone.

...To get a ride home on board a bus or a jeepney. Alone. (When previously it would be free and convenient taxi ride home for me).

...To eat a huge tub of cheese-flavored popcorn. Alone.

...

...

...

... So blissful I could...

WAAAHHHH!!!!

WAAAHHHH!!!!

WAAAHHHH!!!!

If this is bliss, I don't know what sadness is.

WAAAHHHH!!!!

WAAAHHHH!!!!

WAAAHHHH!!!!

A-yaaaah!!

Good grief... I've unleashed it. The force is back and I'm blogging again like mad! A-yaaaah!!

That's what I get from dating a shrink. I absorbed all the insanity that rubbed off on him. Heehee. Bleah!

Well, he should've known. I guess he does, by now, in full throttle. Hit him hard, too. Went running off like a madman, with nary a hint of goodbye. Haha.

Sob sob...

Nah. The sting is gone. As I'm blogging this in, in fact, I'm humming to the tune of "Bridges" by my all-time fave jazz artist, Kevyn Lettau.

Wish I can rip an mp3 of it and that of "Sunlight", but our LAN prohibits P2P activity. Dang.

Put that on my "Wish List".

Wish No. 2: Will anyone PLEASE give me this much passion in writing our project's annual report? Please? I want to be done with it, already. Been belaboring it since who knows when! It's like being in labor for 20 hours now with still no sign of child. A-yaaaah!!! 'Course, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Heehee.

This entry is intended as a warm-up, in fact, to psyche me up for the job. Ugh. But what's there to compare. Writing the annual and writing the blog is like reading a physics book and reading lusty Sidney Sheldon. Absolutely no comparison.

Wonder what my boss will say if I submit this blog, instead?

A-yaaaah!!!

One Hello

Nearly one month of silence and three insufferable Sundays since I last blogged, here I am, very much alive and kicking.

My month-long silence is proportional to the length of silence Mr. Frog, himself, displayed. I thought he had vanished for good and I was starting to move on, until he texted me yesterday to say "just a hello."

Hello.

How profound can that get. Hello? He disappears on me without a word and now he reappears to say--of all things--just a hello?!? Hello!! What kind of a stupid creature is this.

But guess what. I think I'm stupid-er, replying "hello 2" to his pathetic one-liner of a comeback message. Hello talaga.

Now what. What is this seriously confused guy up to next? A repeat charade of flowers and stuffed toys and weekly dates that in the end would amount to nothing more than "friendship?"

Goodness.

How could I have been SO stupid.

At the very least, I'm back. Still alive, despite the loss which is not much of a big loss, anyway. Well. If for anything, I did promise him I'm still a friend. I mean it. I will keep it the next time he comes around. IF he comes around.

Ribbit.